What were we thinking?!

I've got to admit, I was very worried about the news Kasterborous released on Saturday concerning the casting of Paterson Joseph as the Eleventh Doctor.

Worried for a few reasons:

Firstly that other than a naughty leak from Philip Hinchcliffe at a convention concerning the likely release of a DVD some months later (before clearance had been acquired - we're sorry, Restoration Team) Kasterborous has not in almost 4 years been in a position to reveal "exclusive" news (although given the circumstances in which the story was released, we were under the impression that DoctorWhoNews.com (the OG of old) and DWO were all in possession of the same information).

Secondly, that despite all indications pointing to a tabloid release of the news on Sunday, there was nothing leaked early on Saturday evening (and in the event no news on Sunday...)

Thirdly, of course, that we might be wrong. Which would have resulted in a Daily Mail-like episode in which the world celebrates Bill Nighy as the Doctor while getting Christopher Eccleston. In this quite plausible online mirroring 5-odd years later, Paterson Joseph is heralded as the new Doctor while the part in fact goes to Richard Ayoade out of The IT Crowd, or some other unseen piece of casting.

(I should add at this point that in the remotest chance that this news should be incorrect, if Doctor Who fans have been mislead in any way, I will issue a full retraction and apology both here, on Kasterborous itself and on YouTube.)

Fourthly - over the last few days no one at all issued the news. "Gagging order!" was the first thing that came to mind. However nerves started to show on Monday, and at one point I did consider pulling the piece. Nipping over to the DoctorWhoForum.com (again, at the old OG) didn't help, either.

Of course, the news is still up, and has today been joined by more as speculation in the mainstream press steadily grows.

And it will keep on growing...

No One is Telling‏

Lips appear to be sealed across the country – certainly in Wales and London – as to the identity of the 11th Doctor Who.

Although assumptions can be made (based upon prior events and previously gained experience) it is difficult to say definitively that casting has taken place.

However, if it hasn’t then it certainly is taking place right now, with various sources indicating shortlists of various lengths and composition.

Suggestions ranging from Harry Hill to Jeremy Irons are dancing around the interwebnet, and interestingly there is little in David Morrissey’s IMDb profile that indicates that he would be unavailable during the expected production period from June/July 2009 through to March/April 2010.

However, the same goes for many actors linked with the role, with Kasterborous favourite Sean Pertwee – insultingly referred to in the sloppy Den of Geek as “a big treat for fans of his Dad” currently shooting a movie with James Purefoy and Natasha McElhone, with little else other than voiceover work on the horizon.

Even the Prof is bewildered with this – it’s looking very definitely like a case of wait and see!

Please: put us out of our miseries!

There has always been music.

In the 1990s in Britain, there was "Britpop" a rather lame description for a whole bunch of bands that normally wouldn't get signed and promoted, being as they were, talented.

You know, they could write songs and play instruments.  Most of them weren't perfect singers, but then who is?

Amongst all of this wonder was a group of cheeky lasses (and a brother) from the North East city of Sunderland, who called themselves Kenickie after character from Grease.  They had modest album success before splitting, leaving lead singer Lauren Lavern to begin a career in broadcasting.

Which brings us to Doctor Who.  And Den of Geek, who this week have used advanced (contrived) arithmetic in order to predict the identity of the new Doctor Who.

This ridiculous waste of time, posing as journalism and entertainment actually only works if you don't find Lauren Lavern to be smug and irritating.  At best she is vaguely attractive while possessing some Fraggle-like expressions.  At worst she is annoying.

One week into the whole Eleventh Doctor speculation and it's crap like that getting read that gives the whole process and Doctor Who a bad name.

(I won't launch into a rant about how Doctor Who fansites should be picked up by Google News instead of crap like Den of Geek.  That's for another day.)

So please, BBC, put us out of our miseries and just tell us who it is.

And the 11th Doctor is...

Already shortlisted, auditioned and cast - and I may well know who he is!

Oh yes, being a multimedia metrosexual kind of a guy, I've been hobknobbing and rubbing shoulders with all sorts of "in the know" types, and I can guarantee to you that the Eleventh Doctor Who will be played by an actor - or actress, natch - who has a superb ability to "learn lines".

That's right - in a piece of casting that is bound to blow the cobwebs out of the TARDIS and make Doctor Who fans have a right old discussion about it, I can now confirm that the new Doctor Who is...

...coming your way at some point in 2010.

But don't worry - we've plenty of David Tennant before then, who I understand is thrilled to be handing over to his successor, whose name I know.

So ner ner ne ner nerrrr.

I am not Neil Wilkes